PERSONAL PASSIONS

I love it when the boys get so passionate about certain things. When Nikki was 3 years old, he loved learning about the planets on his own. He read and reread his books, he asked about them, he enjoyed drawing them... Right now, Nikki loves computers. He loves those online games. I think it's because of the variety of games he could choose from. His favorite sites are nickjr.com, uptoten.com and the playhouse disney website. He really has learned a lot from those sites. I am happy that he is learning and having fun at the same time. Ethan on the other hand is discovering his passion for books. Even if it's Nikki's workbook, a magazine or a brochure, he loves to identify pictures or ask what the names of some pictures are. He still can't read, but I'm sure he'll get there when he's ready.

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Why Your Child is So Passionate

As your preschooler's personality blossoms and she's better able to articulate her likes and dislikes, don't be surprised if she develops an all-consuming passion. In this era of mass-marketed TV shows and toys, your child is likely to latch on to a particular character, such as Barney, Blue, Elmo, or Winnie-the-Pooh, but he may also become obsessed with something more generic, like dinosaurs or trains. Although it may be exasperating when your child begs you to buy yet another Barbie or to get him the Rugrats Kids Meal, experts insist that preschool passions have a positive impact on kids.

Three- and 4-year-olds are becoming increasingly independent, and they feel the need to establish their iden-tity, according to Stephanie Pratola, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Salem, Virginia. Whereas toddlers think that everything belongs to them, pre-schoolers have a clearer understanding of ownership, and they identify with their possessions. Obsessions -- and the purchases that come with them -- are a way for them to stake out some part of the world and say, "This is mine," Dr. Pratola says. Children this age are also very focused on the difference between good and evil (and are struggling to overcome their own impulses to do naughty things), so they're eager to associate themselves with "good" characters.

Preschoolers are expected to follow the rules and listen to grown-ups, which can make them feel relatively powerless, notes Claire B. Kopp, Ph.D., a developmental psychologist at the UCLA School of Public Health and author of Baby Steps: The "Whys" of Your Child's Development in the First Two Years (W.H. Friedman, 1993). "Kids want adventure and security at the same time," Dr. Kopp says. Pretending to be a brave superhero can help children imagine what scary experiences are like and make them feel more comfortable trying new things. Some children identify with characters who are just like them -- small, young, and inexperienced -- such as Elmo or the Rugrats. Other preschoolers might like to imagine themselves as older and get a vicarious thrill by dressing up as Barbie.

But children aren't just obsessed with these characters; they love them. Chances are, you've already had to turn your house upside down to find a lost treasured friend. Kate Bundy, 3, is in love with Blue, says her mother, Cheryl, of New York City. "In Sunday school, Kate was asked what she was thankful for, and she said, 'I'm thankful for Blue and Steve.'"

"A well-worn Blue or Barney doll is a transitional object, just like a blanket, that a child carries from one part of his life to another to help him feel more comfortable," explains Kyle Pruett, M.D., a clinical professor of psychiatry at Yale University School of Medicine and a Parents adviser. Similarly, a child like Dylan Fiedler insists on wearing Batman clothing because doing so makes him feel safe and in control. "It's no different from wearing your favorite shirt to an important job interview," Dr. Pruett says. "Kids give these objects their magical powers to comfort and soothe."

As the makers of educational toys know, the passion that pre-schoolers have for these characters can also enhance learning. "Kate has learned so much from Blue's Clues, even though she doesn't watch the show on TV," Bundy says. "We have six or seven of the videos, and one of them has a song about the planets. She learned it pretty quickly, and now whenever we go to the planetarium, she sings it to help her identify them."