AVOIDING HOMESCHOOL BURNOUT

How to Avoid Homeschool Burnout
Be Aware of Homeschool Peer Pressure

by Marianne Vanderkolk

Coming to a place of "burnout" as a homeschooling parent, or as a home schooler, means that somewhere in the process, we have lost sight of our goals. One of the many reasons parents choose to homeschool is that they want to enjoy time with their children. We see homeschooling as an opportunity to spend worthwhile time with our child, exploring learning together, and walking the exciting road side by side. Opening the world to our children is a delight and we enthusiastically begin by talking, reading, walking, and sharing life.

However, it isn't long before "comparison" steps in and we begin to doubt if we are giving our child the best education possible. The focus shifts quickly from the relationship building opportunity to "an education", and unfortunately, our society has taught us to measure "education" by scores. So, driven by our need to see results in order to compare our children, we set them down to a plethora of textbooks, a CD course, another on-line program just in case.... and on it goes.

With our eyes on the next homeschooling family (who fits in so much in their day), we begin early in the morning. We become the task master - the time keeper - the driving force. We stay up late to control programs, we mark their work with a red pen, we become anxious when the book isn't being finished according to our timetable. We push harder, work longer, become more irritated.

Then we notice that there are so many activities that the children from the school down the road are involved in. We need to join a drama group, become a part of the home school choir, take some music and art lessons and be part of a home school network group or co-op if there is one close by. Our children are now being forced out the door, in the car, the baby needs to be woken up and dragged here and there. We keep our eye on our watches.... so that our children won't be the ones missing out!

It is easy to see how burnout can happen and how we can be swayed by peer pressure from our homeschooling circles and from the community around us. But, how can we avoid burnout?
Let us consider these ways:

Focus on our unique goals
Firstly, we need to know where we are headed. Each family is unique and we should rejoice in that! We need to take time to consider our own family goals. Where are we headed? What is important to US? What is the lasting quality we want to pass on to our children? When we know that, we need to head in that direction and keep to it.

Nip comparison in the bud.
When our eyes stray to begin to compare our child with someone else's or our child to their sibling, we need to nip that thought in the bud. Break off the thought there and then. We need to be in control of our thought patterns, and dismiss what is not edifying. Instead, we should substitute that thought with something else - with a sentence or Bible verse you memorize. If you train yourself to actively put another thought in its place, you will be more successful in nipping those thoughts of comparison.

Be realistic with our time
Everyone has different limitations according to time. We need to make decisions for our unique family as to how much time will be spent at the desk. Do your children have time for sport? Do they have time for a hobby? Time to think and just "be"? Time for God? Time for fun?

Consider our own circumstances
Each family has different circumstances which will affect them as a unit. Health, traveling distance to services, number of children, abilities of children, parent and child personalities - all of these have bearing on who we are and what we can do. We should not be in judgment of ourselves because of our own personal limitations, but rather, accept our circumstances and move on confidently and maturely.

So, whether you are a veteran or a new homeschooling parent, I challenge you to keep your focus, remember the goals you have set, don't give time to comparison, be realistic with your time and accept your personal circumstances. Remember why you began to homeschool and enjoy learning together as a family. When you stop "enjoying" the learning experience, reflect on why you began and review what you are doing.

Written by Marianne V from http://www.design-your-homeschool.com/index.html

GREAT READ

I love this article because I too, am a mathphobic. =D

Are You Mathphobic?
by Barbara Frank

I don’t know about you, but I’m claustrophobic, aviatophobic and aquaphobic, which means I’m afraid of enclosed spaces, flying and drowning. That’s why you’ll never catch me flying to Miami so I can board a ship for an around-the-world cruise. But one fear I don’t have that many people do is arithmophobia, which is the fear of arithmetic. For the sake of simplicity, let’s call those people mathphobic.

Many homeschooling parents are mathphobic. They’re cool with teaching their little ones their numbers, and even simple addition and subtraction. But go much past that and the possibilities scare them silly. Long division? Who remembers it and why should we, they ask. That’s why God led someone to invent the calculator! And don’t even bring up the A word (algebra). They can’t bear to go there. Like Scarlett O’Hara, they’ll think about that tomorrow.

Math curriculum publishers don’t do much to quell the mathphobic parent’s fears. Some math programs are pretty overwhelming in and of themselves, without even considering the subject matter. In order to make the program work, you need to watch instructional DVDs, buy additional manuals, or go to informative seminars. Not too intimidating! But like the subject itself, teaching math doesn’t have to be intimidating unless we make it so.

In Free at Last; The Sudbury Valley School, Daniel Greenberg relates the story of a dozen 9-to-12-year-olds at the school who decided they wanted to learn arithmetic. Since the school was set up to be a place where children learn on their own timetable, these children had never been taught arithmetic because they had not expressed any interest in learning about it up until then. So Greenberg found an 1898 math primer that included plenty of exercises for self-study, and set up arithmetic classes twice a week for as long as it took the children to learn basic math. Each class lasted 30 minutes, and then the children were sent off with exercises to do on their own time, which they would hand in at the next class.

Once the children had mastered addition, subtraction, multiplication (including memorization of the multiplication tables), division, fractions, decimals, percentages and square roots, Greenberg tallied up the total classroom hours. The total was 20 hours.

Somewhat shocked, Greenberg consulted a public school math specialist who told him that twenty hours was about right for interested students, because math really isn’t that difficult. He said teaching math took six years or more in the public schools because the students were unwilling and disinterested, and so it had to be fed to them in small doses over a long time.
I did not read Greenberg’s book until long after I had begun homeschooling my children, but I wish I’d read it sooner. I probably spent too many years teaching my kids math when it could have been done more efficiently. But do I know they spent far fewer hours learning math than kids in formal school, and they came through just fine. My eldest studied math up through algebra and geometry, while her younger brother completed Algebra 2 at home before taking calculus at our community college.

People have asked me how I managed to teach my children high-school-level math when I don’t have a math background. I remind them that I started at the beginning with my kids and worked along with them from the early years through high school. I relearned math three times with my three older kids, and let me tell you, it all comes back to you. Math actually makes far more sense to me now than it did when I was the student. I especially appreciate how everything fits together; the kids have made fun of me for thinking geometry proofs are fun. But I’ve seen them get into proofs too, whether they’ll admit it or not.

When we first began homeschooling, we used a formal math curriculum designed for private schools. It was overflowing with busywork, and soon made my kids math-haters. But once I switched to Miquon Math (along with a box of beautifully colored wooden Cuisinaire rods), they discovered that math could be fun and interesting. After they completed the six Miquon books, I began using Saxon 54 with them, and we worked our way through the upper-level Saxon series (skipping books and lessons as necessary), which they finished in their mid-teens. I used a separate geometry course for them because most high schools where we lived at that time offered geometry as a separate course.

I think most parents are capable of teaching their children high-school-level math if they’ve relearned math as I have. But I’m not so sure all students need to learn as much math in high school as my son did. He was college-bound and thought he would be going into computer science, so he studied math much longer than his older sister did. She didn’t want to go to college, so she quit studying math after Geometry, except for a math refresher book that I had her use senior year. Now in her mid-twenties, she is very good in math and was in charge of the payroll and cash office at her last job.

If your children are college-bound, you’ll want to make sure math is a part of their studies well into high school, but even then, it depends on their major. As it turned out, my son ended up getting his degree in Theological Languages, so his time spent slogging through calculus was unnecessary. You can probably stop after algebra and geometry unless your child is gifted in the math and science arena and needs to be challenged. In that case, you can find instructors in advanced math topics at your local community college or in a good online school.

No matter what level of math you’re teaching, you’ll find lots of help online. One particular favorite of mine is a blog, “Let’s Play Math,” by homeschooling mom Denise, who has taught every level of math from Pre-K to college physics. She not only shares a wide variety of math resources, but also encourages questions from other homeschool parents. Bookmark this site:

http://letsplaymath.wordpress.com

Be sure to visit her extensive list of math resources while you’re there:

http://letsplaymath.wordpress.com/free-mostly-math-resources-on-the-internet

There’s plenty there to help you, and an online search of math helps will give you even more to work with. But while you’re pulling all these things together, remember that your child can pick up any mathphobia you might have; it is catchy, you know. Make sure you approach math with a positive attitude, and your child will be much more likely to enjoy learning math and to take off with it. Maybe someday you’ll find yourself in the position I was with my son, watching him tackle and succeed at something I never could: calculus!

Copyright 2007 Barbara Frank/Cardamom Publishers

RHYTHM AND MUSIC

http://www.bbc.co.uk/parenting/play_and_do/toddlers_rhythm.shtml

Rhythm and music
Clare Walters
Preschool children really enjoy musical games and activities.

The rhythm's going to get you
Clapping a rhythm - help your child recognise rhythms by clapping a simple one and asking him to clap it back to you.

Copy the tune - melodies can be taught in the same way, with you singing a short tune (only a few notes) to "la, la, la" and your child singing it back to you.

Mirroring - put on some music, stand opposite your child and ask him to mirror your actions (arms in the air, leaning to one side and so on). Then let him do some actions for you to copy.
Make a shaker - an old plastic drink bottle filled with dried rice, beans or pasta makes a great shaker to use while you're dancing. Make sure the lid is secure so you don't end up with rice everywhere.

Music pictures - play different types of music and let your child move a pencil around a piece of paper in a way that reflects what he's hearing.

Shake, rattle and roll - if you can stand the noise, make a band. You could include a toy drum, a couple of different rattles, a tambourine made from a paper plate with circles of foil around the edge, and a couple of saucepan lids.

Use slow, gentle music to calm down a rowdy play session.

TOLERANCE

http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/tolerance.html

TEACHING YOUR CHILD TOLERANCE

America is the great "melting pot," a rich blend of cultural traditions from all over the world. Many American families can trace their histories to immigrant ancestors who traveled great distances, enduring risk and hardship, to make a home where they would be guaranteed basic freedoms. And for many American families these freedoms came with a struggle. Their parents and grandparents were deprived the basic rights we value.

American society was founded on freedom from religious persecution and on tolerance of differences in beliefs and cultural heritage. The differences (or diversity) that come from people from all over the world enrich our culture, bringing new ideas and energy.

Today, more than ever, kids interact with people of differing ethnicities, religions, and cultures. Classrooms are increasingly diverse, reflecting the communities where families live and work.

A World of Difference
Some parents welcome the fact that we live in an increasingly diverse society. Others may feel more hesitant, especially if they have not had much exposure to people different from themselves. Many kids are way ahead of their parents regarding exposure to cultural differences. Their circle of friends, their schoolmates, and their athletic teams are much more varied than those of even a generation ago.

Still, parents should help their kids prepare to live, learn, and work in communities that will become even more diverse. Teaching tolerance is important not just because it is part of our American heritage, but because the person who learns to be open to differences will have more opportunities in education, business, and many other aspects of life.

In short, your child's success depends on it. Success in today's world — and tomorrow's — depends on being able to understand, appreciate, and work with others.

About Tolerance
Tolerance refers to an attitude of openness and respect for the differences that exist among people. Although originally used to refer to ethnic and religious differences, the concepts of diversity and tolerance can also be applied to gender, people with physical and intellectual disabilities, and other differences, too.

Tolerance means respecting and learning from others, valuing differences, bridging cultural gaps, rejecting unfair stereotypes, discovering common ground, and creating new bonds. Tolerance, in many ways, is the opposite of prejudice.

But does tolerance mean that all behaviors have to be accepted? No, of course not. Behaviors that disrespect or hurt others, like being mean or bullying, or behaviors that break social rules, like lying or stealing, should not be tolerated. Tolerance is about accepting people for who they are — not about accepting bad behavior. Tolerance also means treating others the way you would like to be treated.

How Tolerance Is Taught
Like all attitudes, tolerance is often taught in subtle ways. Even before they can speak, children closely watch — and imitate — their parents. Kids of all ages develop their own values, in great part, by mirroring the values and attitudes of those they care about.

Many parents live and work in diverse communities and have friends who are different from themselves in some (or in many) ways. Parents' attitudes about respecting others are often so much a part of them that they rarely even think about it. They teach those attitudes simply by being themselves and living their values. Parents who demonstrate (or model) tolerance in their everyday lives send a powerful message. As a result, their children learn to appreciate differences, too.

Of course, celebrating differences of others doesn't mean giving up your own heritage. Your family may have its own long-standing cultural and religious traditions that are something to be proud of. Families can find ways to celebrate differences of others while continuing to honor and pass down their own cultural heritage.

How Can Parents Teach Tolerance?
Parents can teach tolerance by example — and in other ways, too. Talking together about tolerance and respect helps kids learn more about the values you want them to have. Giving them opportunities to play and work with others is important as well. This lets kids learn firsthand that everyone has something to contribute and to experience differences and similarities.

Things parents can do to help kids learn tolerance include:

• Notice your own attitudes. Parents who want to help their kids value diversity can be sensitive to cultural stereotypes they may have learned and make an effort to correct them. Demonstrate an attitude of respect for others.
• Remember that kids are always listening. Be aware of the way you talk about people who are different from yourself. Do not make jokes that perpetuate stereotypes. Although some of these may seem to be harmless fun, they can undo attitudes of tolerance and respect.
• Select books, toys, music, art, and videos carefully. Keep in mind the powerful effect the media and pop culture have on shaping attitudes.
  Point out and talk about unfair stereotypes that may be portrayed in media.
• Answer kids' questions about differences honestly and respectfully. This teaches that it is acceptable to notice and discuss differences as long as it is done with respect.
• Acknowledge and respect differences within your own family. Demonstrate acceptance of your children's differing abilities, interests, and styles. Value the uniqueness of each member of your family.
• Remember that tolerance does not mean tolerating unacceptable behavior. It means that everyone deserves to be treated with respect — and should treat others with respect as well.
• Help your children feel good about themselves. Kids who feel badly about themselves often treat others badly. Kids with strong self-esteem value and respect themselves and are more likely to treat others with respect, too. Help your child to feel accepted, respected, and valued.
• Give kids opportunities to work and play with others who are different from them. When choosing a school, day camp, or child-care facility for your child, find one with a diverse population.
• Learn together about holiday and religious celebrations that are not part of your own tradition.
• Honor your family's traditions and teach them to your kids — and to someone outside the family who wants to learn about the diversity you have to offer.

When parents encourage a tolerant attitude in their children, talk about their values, and model the behavior they would like to see by treating others well, kids will follow in their footsteps.

Reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD
Date reviewed: December 2002

WATCH THIS!

http://www.thesuccessfulparent.com/articles/infant.htm

HEY MOMMY, WATCH THIS!
by John P. Frazier, M.S.W. and Barbara Frazier, M.S.W.

Recently I had the opportunity to visit a preschool to offer some training for the teachers. After the presentation, a smaller group of us moved to the playground where we continued a more informal discussion. At the time, the playground was full of youngsters for the afternoon break. All of the sudden a young boy yelled from a few yards away, "Hey, watch this!" He was jumping off the monkey bars and pretending he could fly through the air. He was obviously quite pleased with himself, and wanted to make sure we agreed with his assessment. A moment later, a little girl who was watching the boy waved her arms at us and said "Watch, I can do a somersault," which she proceeded to do. In no time at all, a number of children could be heard saying "Watch this" or "Look at me" or "I can do that!" As I had already surmised, we were sitting among a group of four-year-olds. What tipped me off about the age was the particular activity we were witnessing. These children were engaged in "showing off", partly to get our attention and partly to gain our approval and confirmation of their rather exaggerated views of themselves. It's as though they were saying "I'm here, I'm great, and look what I can do!"

Four-year-olds necessarily engage in a lot of showing off or what might clinically be termed "exhibitionism." They run fast, kick the ball hard, pretend to leap off tall buildings, and dance like angels. As if these weren't enough, they expand and exaggerate their capabilities by pretending to be superheroes that can overcome any obstacle using their special magical powers. What is going on here is that these youngsters are making a grand entrance into the world. Having successfully navigated the tasks of the first three years and emerged as walking, talking, feeling, and thinking little individuals, these youngsters are now ready to take the next step, which is to join the wider world of social connections and social roles. To make the transition, however, they need to be armed with a positive self-image and a lot of self esteem that can withstand the ups and downs of engaging with peers and dealing with adults other than their parents. They need some padding and protection as they take on more complicated relationships and try and live up to greater expectations. The padding comes in the shape of a rather inflated and exaggerated sense of themselves, which they develop in two ways. The first is through the consistent observation and affirmation of themselves by their parents. Stated another way, the young child formulates who he is through the admiring eyes of mommy and daddy. It would be sort of like looking into a mirror that could talk back to you and affirm for you what you see, like the wicked queen in Snow White who says, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all." The answer she's looking for is that she is the fairest of them all. The four-year-old is looking for that same answer, and it needs to come from mommy and daddy in the form of admiration, attention, and love.

The second method is through fantasy play, especially play where the youngster takes on the role of a superhero or character with superhuman powers. For example, Joey is a four-year-old boy who loves to play Superman. He has a full-sized Superman cape which he wears over his Superman pajamas (that look like the Superman suit), and red boots that he constructs by pulling red knee socks up over his cowboy boots. To complete the outfit he has an old suit jacket and horn-rimmed glasses (without the glass) that he wears over the Superman outfit when he's Clark Kent. A typical fantasy is to have his mother pretend that some bad guys are chasing her and scream for help. "Clark" swirls around while removing his clothes and emerges as Superman. With his cape flowing, he flies through air, rushes to his mother's side, and single handedly throws the bad guys into outer space. She makes many exclamations about how strong he is and how grateful she is that he saved her. He tips his head, says "thanks mamn," and flies off.

In the fantasy, Joey steps into the world as a contributing participant, but he does so by becoming someone who is very powerful and admired - a superhero. His mother's participation in the fantasy assists him in validating this puffed up self-image, and even after the fantasy is over, these feelings stay with Joey for some time. What this story exemplifies is the fact that young children need to experience themselves this way initially as they begin to make their entrance into the social world. Moreover, the experience needs to be a repetitive one until the child's oversized self-image becomes steady. As the child gets older and begins to interact more in social settings such as school, this inflated self-image will gradually be transformed into a cooperative and contributing self that participates in the general activities of society. The little superhero will become the school student, baseball player, doll collector, ballet dancer, etc. But for now, take pleasure in your little exhibitionist and join in his quest for conquering the world through play and admiration. You'll be providing a psychological bridge to the future.

YOU AND YOUR KIDS

http://www.parentingbookmark.com/pages/ArticleAL14.htm

A Moment to Reflect: Do You Like Your Kids?
By Anne Leedom
Founder and Editor-In-Chief, ParentingBookmark.com

Summer vacation is over for us. My daughters are on red track at Silva Valley Elementary. Our entire summer is about six weeks long. As I prepare to send them back to school with new back packs, lunch boxes and one or two new outfits, I feel a bit guilty when I realize I am actually looking forward to them returning to school. I have my days back to myself where I can devote myself to my job, my friends and my house without CONSTANT interruptions. I also realize I am asking myself a startling question. Do I LIKE my kids? I mean really like my kids?

My mother was a wonderful mother; at least she was once the four of us kids hit eighteen. Up until that moment we were wonderful and cherished, but always slightly trying. At least one of us was. (I always have stood out from the crowd.) Daycare wasn’t an option then and even if it were as available as it is today, I doubt she would have taken advantage of it. She basically wanted to like her kids and spend lots of time with us. Now let’s face facts. Kids are not always as enjoyable as we would like them to be. The facts are that you either spend your time working on your kid’s behavior or being a victim of their behavior. There is no middle ground when they are small.

As parents we need to make a decision when our kids our young. How much effort are we willing to expend to really help them learn to behave, to make sure they are not over stimulated, and that they understand right from wrong and that “no” means “no”. Ultimately, there is a reality all parents need to face up to. Here are a few of the new rules parents need to accept, or they will have to accept that raising their kids is going to be far more difficult then they could ever have bargained for, and that “liking” their kids will not be an option the majority of the time.

Rule Number One: You don’t come first anymore. You always need to prioritize yourself and take care of yourself, but day to day, your needs will almost always come second to theirs.

Rule Number Two: Your kids will win every battle ultimately, unless you commit to working with them as a team and not a dictatorship. Kids expend an amazing amount of energy and quite effectively I might add, to “winning the battle”. As a parent your greatest moments will come in learning to diffuse or avoid these battles

Rule Number Three: The amount of patience and love you give them will come back to you a hundred fold if you are committed to their moral and character development. It’s true what they say that what you give, you get. Every time you are struggling with your child, ask yourself how you want to be treated. Eventually, it IS how you will be treated.

Rule Number Four: Kids need to understand you are the parent, the boss and in control of their lives, day to day. This is how they feel loved. How compassionately and calmly you communicate this will determine if they feel respected and secure.

Rule Number Five: It takes a village to raise a child, but you are still the general of the village and only you know truly what is best for your child, Never abdicate your authority or your instincts. (This includes mothers-in-laws.)

We all do the best we can as parents. We love our kids and give them as much time and direction as possible. My hope is that parents change their focus just a bit to nurture character and help their kids see how they affect others and to take responsibility for the consequences of their actions. If you already do this, take it a step further. The rewards of truly “liking” your kids along with “loving” you kids will be worth the effort!

LITERACY

http://www.parentsasteachers.org/site/pp.asp?c=ekIRLcMZJxE&b=307148

Reading together to build early literacy

Did you know that you can help your child get ready to read even while he is very young? When an infant shows excitement over pictures next to his crib, or a toddler turns the pages of a board book, or a preschooler recognizes the first letter of his name on a cereal box, each is demonstrating emerging literacy skills. Reading to your child from birth is the best way to make him a successful reader when he starts school.

Early stages
Developing language is the first step in learning to read, and it occurs very early in life. When you read to your child from the time she is born, you provide a rich language environment for her. Your child hears words that may not occur in the normal course of a day, increasing her exposure to a wide variety of speech sounds. When you cradle your baby and read with inflection in your voice, your child learns to associate reading with love, comfort and pleasure—the beginning of a positive attitude which provides motivation for learning to read.

Toddler years
Toddlers have the reputation for being on the go, and you may be discouraged in your attempts to read to your child during this stage of development. But toddlers learn important things from reading—they just learn them standing up! Children this age like books that have photographs of objects and text that names the pictures. Nursery rhymes and books with rhyming text are important because rhyming promotes the awareness of letter sounds, which is necessary for reading. Toddlerhood is the time to learn how to handle a book, such as holding the book right side up and turning paper pages.

Preschool
As children enter the preschool years, they develop an appreciation of the plot and characters of a story. Exposure to quality picture books increases your child’s enjoyment of reading and engages his imagination. More complex stories build your child’s comprehension skills and provide a knowledge base from which he can understand concepts and new ideas. Skills such as identifying the title of a book, tracing text with a finger while it is read, talking about pictures, and speculating about where the plot is going are setting the stage for learning to read in the early years of school. Literacy also develops when your child sees printed words in his environment, such as signs, lists, menus or labels. When you read this “environmental print” to your child, you show him that reading is important in every day life.

Read to your child each day, no matter how young she is. You will be giving her just the right experiences she needs to become a good reader in the future!

Experts say…
Reading experts Susan Hall and Louise Moats sum up the benefits of reading aloud to your child in the early years. Your child:

• develops background knowledge for more complicated learning
• builds vocabulary
• is exposed to rich language patterns
• learns the structure of a story
• learns how to handle books and becomes familiar with reading
• identifies reading as a pleasurable activity

STREET SAFETY

http://www.todaysparent.com/preschool/healthsafety/article.jsp?content=20070608_151833_4988&page=1

Pedestrian Safety
Keep your preschooler safe around cars
By Teresa Pitman

When Tyler was a toddler, you could pick him up and carry him across the road if he didn’t want to hold your hand. Now that he’s five, he’s pretty heavy to carry — plus he thinks having to hold Mommy’s hand is embarrassing. Is he old enough to cross the street on his own now?
Not according to Philip Groff, director of research and evaluation at Smartrisk. “For three- and four-year-olds, being struck by a car is the third-leading cause of injuries. By the time kids are five, it’s number one. It is a big problem — more than 4,000 children are hit by motor vehicles each year in Canada.”

Linda Ward, program coordinator at SafeKids Canada, says we need to understand what is going on with preschoolers in developmental terms. Even the brightest preschooler is not capable of judging how far away a car is or how quickly it is moving. They also aren’t good at evaluating their own abilities (most will happily tell you that they can run “super-fast”). So they’re likely to dart out in front of a car, even if they see it coming, because they think they have enough time to cross safely.

Cautionary steps
So what do you do to keep your preschooler safe around cars?

Staying in touch — literally
“Supervision is the key,” says Groff. Stick close if your children are playing anywhere near the road. When you are walking together, holding hands should be the rule. “More than an arm’s length away isn’t really supervision,” Groff adds. “They can dart into the road so quickly.”
Your preschooler won’t hold your hand? You may need to hold his arm or wrist. Or your hands aren’t free? Waterloo, Ont., mother of three Kat Murphy says: “Before we cross the road, I announce, ‘Grab a part!’ and my son will say, ‘I have the diaper bag’ or ‘I have a baby leg,’ and off we go. Another thing we do, if my hands are free, is hold hands and skip across the street. Much more fun!”

Parking lot cautions
Parking lots pose special risks. Groff points out that cars are often backing up, and the rows of cars can block the driver’s view, making small preschoolers hard to see. In addition, parents are often preoccupied with loading groceries or other tasks.
“You should always buckle your child into his car seat first, then put the shopping in the trunk,” says Ward. Finally, treat the parking lot as a road — insist on holding hands or staying close as you walk through.

Playing it safe
Many injuries, Ward says, happen when children are playing in an area where there are no sidewalks and no boundaries between the play area and the road. Seek out a safer location if the parks around your home don’t qualify. Consider lobbying your municipality about adding sidewalks or fences if these aren’t present where your children play.

Environmental hazards
More young children are injured by cars when it’s dusk or getting dark, and if it is raining or snowing. So pay special attention during those times.
Ward adds, “Preschoolers are so small and cars so big; when the two collide, the children’s injuries tend to be serious. So it is well worth the extra effort it takes to keep them safe.”

CONSISTENCY

http://www.parentingideas.com.au/index.php?page=article3

Why consistency is important but makes parents feel bad
- By Michael Grose

Being consistent when children are less than perfect can make you feel dreadful. However consistency is one of the most important elements in the relationship with your children, but it is the one most frequently overlooked.

Consistency means dealing with the little misbehaviours and not letting them grow into bigger behaviours. It means saying no to children's constant requests for five more minutes of television at night or a third serve of ice cream. It means following through and allowing children to experience a consequence when they misbehave every time. It doesn't mean if children arrive home after dark from a friend's place you ground them sometimes but at other times you just voice your disapproval. That type of inconsistency makes you responsible for children's misbehaviour and teaches children nothing about accountability.

Consistency also means that both parents have a similar approach to behaviours. If mum is too strict and dad is too lenient children will know who to go to if they wish to take advantage. They will soon play one parent off against each other. If a child wants to get away without doing a job or stay an extra hour at a friend's place just ask dad because he is easy-going. Even if you are separated, talk about your approaches to discipline and find some common ground. Agree on such issues as family rules, pocket money, and guidelines for going out and suitable consequences for misbehaviour.

If you disagree with a partner's approach do so behind closed doors. When unplanned situations occur don't be afraid to tell your children that you need to consult with your partner before making a decision. Children will realise that you are working as a team and that you are making a considered approach to their behaviour or request.

Consistency, like routines, are often sacrificed by busy working parents and put in the "too hard basket". When we are tired, stretched and overworked the last thing we want to do is engage in a battle with children over what are sometimes petty issues. You may have spent the whole day dealing with difficult customers or colleagues only to come home and find that you have another battle on your hands with equally belligerent children. So to avoid an argument, a tantrum or tears you give in to your child's unruly behaviour or unreasonable request.

But being consistent and holding your ground is a smart long-term strategy. Kids learn quickly how far they can push a parent before they give in. If you give in occasionally they will learn that if they push you hard enough and long enough you will cave in. So consistency is about being strong and holding your ground. That is hard work because the average child will push parental boundaries about 30per cent of the time and more difficult kids push your boundaries twice that much. It is hard work being consistent but good parenting demands it.

MAKING TIME

http://eclectichomeschool.org/articles/article.asp?articleid=489&resourceid=131&topicid=22

Too Busy?
by Tammy M. Cardwell

Admit it. As soon as you read the title, you nodded your head and answered, “Oh yeah,” or something close.

Almost all of us are too busy. We live in a world that is too busy. Busy-ness is so common in our lives that we’ve begun to accept that to be “normal” is to be “too busy.”

What are we teaching our children?

Look at medical statistics and you see a frightening trend. The pressure-cooker lifestyle we’ve come to accept is killing us – leading to heart problems, strokes, and more. Young men and women are succumbing to diseases that only affected the aged just one generation ago.

What are you teaching your children?

I ask this question seriously, and strongly advise you to ask it of yourself as you face the end of one school year and begin planning for the next. Homeschoolers have a terrific advantage over system schoolers, because our schedules allow us the flexibility to go and do in ways they can only dream. Field trip opportunities abound, of course, but I’m also thinking in terms of things like co-ops, organized sports, music lessons, college courses, etc.

Take time to look back over this past year and consider not only your schedule, but each child’s schedule as well. Were any of these schedules too full on occasion? Was life always overflowing with active responsibilities, leaving you feeling, far too often, as if you were spinning your wheels, accomplishing nothing though you were in constant motion?

What did this teach your children? Did it teach them that yes, there is always room in the schedule for just one more activity? Did it teach them that your family’s priorities are flexible? Did it teach them that the best way to get ahead in life is to slowly kill yourself?

I know. It sounds melodramatic, but I’m seeing an alarming trend among homeschoolers today, especially among new homeschoolers, that has me genuinely disturbed. Where ten years ago we were the ones looking at the system school parents and shaking our heads over their tendencies to over-schedule their poor kids’ lives, today you see large numbers of homeschoolers doing the very same thing. As adults, we grouse to one another about life being crazy and never feeling like we have time to breathe anymore, but as homeschooling parents we’re teaching our children that this kind of lifestyle is acceptable and must be endured.

Why?

We grumble to one another as if this is simply “the way it is” and we must accept reality. We live in a microwave, blazing Internet, exceed-the-speed-limit society and we’ve come to believe, or so it seems, that we are responsible for learning (and teaching our kids) to keep up with the Joneses in the literal as well as figurative sense. But we also, as we complain, are convinced in our heart of hearts that constantly over-scheduling our lives is wrong.

If you don’t feel such over-scheduling is wrong, you might as well stop reading now, but if you agree, and have concerns about your own family, read on.

Consider the school year that is just ending. How did it play out? Did everything fall in line with your philosophy of education – your concept of the manner in which education needs to take place in your home? Or did it, instead, turn into a virtual free-for-all, where your schedule is concerned, and now you look back and can’t help but wonder where you went wrong? What did you teach your kids this year?

One thing we desperately need to teach our kids – one thing many of us must relearn ourselves if we are not to see our lives spiral into a scheduling pit – is how to say, “No.” As a society, at least here in America, we have a weakness in this area. Saying “No” can be really hard, so we don’t bother saying it as often as we should – not to ourselves or to anyone else. So your son approaches you, wanting to take karate. Hey, karate is a great thing. Sure! Of course, he’s already involved in baseball, taking piano lessons, and growing his own garden to make extra money...on top of his homeschooling. How much is too much?

You have to decide that for yourself, of course. I’m just encouraging you to actively make that decision, and to make it now, before you finalize your plans for next year. Sit down – alone, with your spouse, or with your whole family – and take a serious look at your current lifestyle and how well it fits in with your philosophy of education and general priorities. A healthy life is a balanced life, and that means sufficient rest and downtime as well as the right amount of educational pursuits, physical exercise, etc. Your job, as the parent, is to make sure your family finds this balance, and to help your children understand what it takes to maintain it.

Start by setting some overarching priorities. What are your absolutes where education is concerned? What parts of your week or day are non-negotiable? (Note: If none of them are non-negotiable, you most likely have a problem.) What activities are you and your children involved in that must not be interfered with?

Perhaps it would help if I used my own family as an example. While we’re not homeschooling anymore, the rules we used in scheduling still apply. For instance, God invariably comes first. Our children always knew that Sunday was His and service attendance was non-negotiable. The same was true for Wednesday. This meant that when our oldest son reached the place in Little League when they began scheduling Wednesday games, Little League was no longer an option. Was he happy? No, but since he knew as well as we did that missing Wednesday night services was not an option, he understood our decision. It’s part of learning to prioritize, to tell one’s self and others, “No.”

On the other hand, when our oldest got involved in music, especially after he started teaching himself to play the guitar, and as it became obvious that he was gifted musically, those studies became a priority. We provided both time and finances for voice lessons until he chose to switch to piano lessons in order to learn more music theory. We also allowed him plenty of time to practice undisturbed, or as undisturbed as you can be when you have a younger brother around. Because he did not live an overly scheduled life, he had plenty of time to truly pursue his passion, and his passion has led him into working at our church full time, serving as our band leader (also lead guitarist and, in a pinch, bassist, keyboardist, or drummer), and singing when he’s needed. We taught him to prioritize and I have reason to hope it’s a lesson he learned well; I count it as one of the most important lessons of all.

Please, as you look to the new school year, choosing curriculum and making out schedules, consider all that you are teaching your children, and make sure it’s all good.

Copyright © 2006 Eclectic Homeschool Association

ECLECTIC HOMESCHOOLING

Eclectic Homeschooling
by Michele Hastings

Upon returning from our annual homeschooling convention this week-end, I 've stepped into this week with a new sense of confidence and assurance. I am endowed with a new identity...that of an "Eclectic" Homeschooler. In the past, I was under the impression that the term eclectic meant using a little bit of this curriculum and a little bit of that. However, I've come to understand that the term actually refers to using a variety of "styles and philosophies" rather than referring to using various resources.

Upon embarking on this homeschooling adventure, I just assumed that it would be basically "school at home". Within a very short time however, I came to the stark realization that my children wanted nothing to do with sitting down at the kitchen table to learn their letters and numbers! After struggling for awhile, I began to look for another way of doing this thing called homeschooling. I discovered the Moore Theory, sometimes referred to as "Delayed Academics". The materials I read about this philosophy, (of waiting to teach academics until the child was "ready" between the ages of 8-12) began to make sense to me and we set out with new resolve to face the objections I would receive from well meaning friends and family, including other homeschoolers.

Meanwhile, I continued my own "self-education" about homeschooling and soon discovered the "Unschooling" philosophy. Parts of me were very receptive to this theory, (that kids learn best when they pursue their own interests and passions.) I could see evidence of that in my own children as I watched them teach themselves about fishing, coins and football. However, there was a constant nagging in my spirit that they would never really discipline themselves to learn those things that didn't come naturally, like reading, writing and math. I continued to read and discovered Marilyn Howshall's "Wisdom's Way of Learning." I incorporated a "table time" in amongst my childrens' daily pursuits and some gains were made in the areas I've considered them to be weak. However, there remained a "battle" within me...the desire to allow my kids to blossom in their own time, learning that which they wanted to learn, eventually learning everything they "needed" to learn...and the lack of faith that they actually would!

Well, now I've claimed a "label" that I can really be at peace with. Eclectic homeschoolers use whatever works for each child...not letting any particular philosophy dictate what that is. They begin by taking a look at what their child is doing on a daily, weekly, and yearly basis...and deciding what educational value each activity has. Then, they fill in the gaps, using whatever resources seem to meet that particular child's needs. I can have the best of both worlds! I can allow my kids to pursue their interests and passions and I can also not feel guilty about filling in the holes with tools and activities I deem important.

Everyone needs some sort of "framework" to work from. In fact, that seems to me to be the most reasonable starting place for homeschooling parents to begin from. When I began to homeschool my kids five years ago, I was presented with "styles" of homeschooling, but what we found ourselves doing, didn't seem to fit into any one style or philosophy. I happen to be the type of person who seems to need to have things make sense. My desire to let the kids initiate and self-direct their own learning, seemed to be in constant conflict with my inner conscience, that feared that they wouldn't learn those things I felt were so important but they didn't yet see a need for. Some people have the faith to trust their kids enough to do this...but I don't. I've been calling myself an unschooler because that seems to suit what we're doing more than anything else..but there are still those areas I tend to "ride" my kids about...which keeps me from being a "true" unschooler. Now I have a new sense of confidence that both my kids' goals and my goals will be met through Eclectic homeschooling. My thanks to Cafi Cohen who was our keynote speaker at this year's convention. She brought order and peace to confusion and feelings of guilt, with her description of Eclectic Homeschooling!

© 2000 Michele Hastings. All rights reserved. Re-printed with permission.

ACCIDENTAL HOMESCHOOLER

http://eclectichomeschool.org/articles/article.asp?articleid=550&resourceid=69

What is an "Accidental Homeschooler"?
by John Edelson

While some families know from the start that they want to homeschool, others arrive somewhat "accidentally". These are families who had initially put their children in traditional schools. Then, “something” happens. Perhaps it happens over and over or different “things” happen.

Sometimes there are a few classroom or school changes but it still is not working. The problems can be with other students, the school culture, the academics, or even the faculty and staff. But over time, it becomes clear that traditional schools are not working and they become convinced that the available schools are unacceptable.

I Never Thought I Would Homeschool…..
Although many are people of strong faith, these families start to homeschool not for religious or philosophical reasons, but as problem solvers trying to do the best for their children.

"I never thought I would homeschool, but after trying my son in several different schools, we were at our wit's end. Our son was miserable in school and doing badly. After one particularly bad day when he came home in tears and humiliated, we agreed to try homeschooling for the rest of third grade. That was two years ago and it has really worked out for us".

There was one particular conversation that got me thinking about these families and the process of suddenly jumping into homeschooling. One mother, who had called to find out about our curriculum, felt it important to explain to me that: "I don't really believe in homeschooling and I don't want to do it, but I have to because of my children and the way schools worked. I only want to do the best thing for my child…."

I was somewhat speechless trying to think how that made her different from other homeschooling parents, or any parents for that matter.

I noticed that she was not the only one who followed a bumpy conflicted path into homeschooling. It's striking that I rarely hear from people planning to start homeschooling in a few months. But, I hear daily from families that have decided to homeschool and want to start immediately.

It was while taking one of these calls, that I coined the "Accidental Homeschooler" term to describe those starting to homeschool motivated by a process of elimination, not because homeschooling is their primary choice.

Are Most Homeschoolers “Accidental”?
While we can't seem to find any data, our experience at Time4Learning shows that about half of today's homeschoolers started in traditional schools. So, with some fear of over-generalizing, here are some characteristics of accidental homeschoolers that we have observed:
Accidental homeschoolers often have the impression that they are unusual in that they are only homeschooling because it's the best option. Many seem to feel that this sets them apart from other homeschoolers.

• Accidental homeschoolers' decision to homeschool often resolves a crisis, or series of crises, with the children, the school, and sometimes within the family.
• Many accidental homeschoolers have been preoccupied trying to make traditional education work for their children so that when they finally "give-up" on schools and decide to homeschool, they find themselves with no preparation and no real idea what homeschooling means.
• Accidental homeschoolers start with real trepidation and often with little to no enthusiasm for their endeavor.
• The number of people starting as "accidental homeschoolers" is increasing now that the public has broad awareness and acceptance of homeschooling.

Since we get a lot of these calls from these families in transition, Time4Learning has created a free guide with ten key ideas to help them through the transition. The advice includes how to avoid mistakes in an initial buying spree, how to layer in an overall homeschool program, how to connect with other homeschoolers locally and online, and how to build an appropriate mix of activities for each day.

The Homeschool Melting Pot
We've noticed that the accidental homeschooler label only applies for a limited period to these homeschoolers. After a deschooling transition period, parents become immersed in their new approach to education and lifestyle. Their initial anger with the education system, which they feel failed them, melts away as they adapt to their new life. They seem to forget that their decision to homeschool was one of necessity, not a deliberate choice.

"I had starting homeschooling when I found that the schools just did not work for my children. My initial attitude was bitterness with the schools and the blunders and accidents that had forced us to take on the education ourselves.

Over the years, a funny thing happened. I began to notice that there was nothing regrettable about the fork in the road that I took and the homeschooling path that I was on. I shifted from being a critic of the schools to being a homeschool advocate. I noticed that many of the friends I made that first year experienced a similar metamorphosis:

The Accidental Homeschoolers became the Enthusiastic Homeschoolers."


John Edelson is the founder of Time4Learning.com. Copyright © 2007 Eclectic Homeschool Association

BEING A MOM

http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/family/08/28/par.mom.surprises/index.html

8 things no one tells you about being a mom
By Paula Spencer

Babies are adorable! There's nothing like the love surge of a full-body hug or the amazed pride you feel when your toddler takes his first steps!

Enough about the bright side. We do moms a disservice if we only gush about the countless truly terrific aspects of raising a child and neglect to mention the, well, harsher realities. It's useful to know that there are not-so-hot sides of the job, if only to take the edge off those inevitable pains of feeling exasperated, unnerved, or just surprised. And it's reassuring to know you're not the only one to admit a downside even exists. This is my list -- you'll probably have one, too.

There is no learning curve
Rather, if you graphed it, it would just go up and up. By the time you master colic, it's over. All your smug expertise at changing diapers on an upright toddler becomes obsolete when she graduates to big-kid underwear. Net result: You never feel quite on top of things.

And although the firstborn breaks you in for the next, Number Two is usually so different in temperament, taste, or developmental pacing that what you learned the first time often doesn't work or apply. My oldest, Henry, would respond only to the loudest of shouts and severest of threats. But when I tried my hard-learned disciplinary tactics on next-in-line Eleanor, the slightest raised voice would make her quiver and tear up. Parenting.com: Mom milestones

Silver lining: A good mental workout. I've learned a lot about human behavior that I might not otherwise have -- plus a lot about kids' music and books, the art of bandage application, and how to make dinner really fast.

You run in circles
"The minute you get one thing solved, there's something else to do," says Janine Saber of Orinda, California, about the unending rounds of feeding, diapering, and bedtime that punctuate life with young children. For moms accustomed to completing projects and advancing careers, the chronic spin cycle of caretaking can feel frustrating and mind-numbing.

If you have more than one child, the circles begin to overlap. "It's like multitasking-plus," says Saber. "I can't tell you how many times I've forgotten to feed the baby cereal along with her morning formula because my 6-year-old was late for school." Parenting.com: 6 secrets of happy moms

Silver lining: "Once you realize you have no control, you're in total control," Saber says. "Then you can say, 'OK, I'll just go with the flow.'"

You'll feel helpless sometimes
You're ready and willing to do anything in the world to make your child safe and happy. But even at the playground and at home, circumstances will unfold beyond your direct control. "It hurt to see one of my kids being teased or excluded at playgroup," says Ann Douglas, a mom of four in Peterborough, Ontario, and the author of "The Mother of All Parenting Books." When two of her kids were being bullied at school, she kept wondering if there was more she could do to help her kids deal, she says.

Silver lining: Because it's your child, you'll be amazed at how you can come up with a solution -- or find a friend who's gone through something similar. Douglas made an effort to talk more with the school's teachers; once they were put on alert about her kids' problems, she had a better sense of how they were getting through the day.

You don't get instant replays
You will say the wrong thing. You will do the wrong thing. This is true of life in general, of course. But with a child it's especially tough because you're making so many split-second decisions in any given hour -- and the repercussions of those decisions are helping to form a growing psyche!

I felt sure my daughter Margaret, then 3, would hate me forever when she asked if she could watch "Star Wars" with her brother again and I barked, "No! Time for bed! You've watched too much TV and maybe we should get rid of that TV!" On and on -- transferring a work-related anger to a small, innocent bystander. (Seven years later, I'm pretty sure she loves me still...and we still have a TV.) Parenting.com: Will you be a good mother?

Silver lining: Losing your cool can be a gentle reminder to count to ten before you speak the next time. But it's also humanizing. A few missteps won't scar your child. So apologize if it's appropriate and move on, because your child will.

There's no privacy
"I was in the bathroom when my then 6-year-old looked at the string dangling from my so-called private parts and said, 'Mommy, I think you sat in some gum,'" says Kristine Breese, a Los Angeles mother of two who wrote Cereal for Dinner. "When you become a mom, you can't even put a tampon in without being interrupted."

Silver lining: Your kids can learn patience, self-sufficiency, and the meaning of privacy -- if you set boundaries. "At a certain point, you start locking the bathroom or saying something to stop your child from barging in," Breese says. "This represents a huge step forward as you realize that being at their constant disposal is not really what your kids need."

Your baby will eventually insult you
Indulge in a nice-mommy whim and make a special chocolate-chip face on a toddler's pancake, and you're liable to be met with indignant howls. ("That's not how a pancake looks!") One minute you're the best thing since ice pops and the next, mud. And the mercurial moods of a growing child mean you never know which will happen when.

Silver lining: Repeated verbal stabs make you more immune to them. Unless it's clearly intentional antisocial rudeness (rare before the school years), blame child development and don't take anything personally. Two-year-olds, for instance, are notoriously resistant to change because they're trying hard to figure out the world and once they've "got" a concept down (pancakes don't have faces), it's disorienting to have their expectations foiled. Parenting.com: 8 things grandparents wish you knew

You have to force yourself to back off
If, like me, you're a Type A control freak (or were in your pre-kids life, until they leeched it out of you), it's a constant internal struggle not to step in and finish the puzzle, Velcro-shut the sneaker yourself, or issue reminders every 10 seconds about what your child should do, say, or remember.

Silver lining: The more you incrementally step back, the more self-sufficient they become, which is how it's supposed to be. Kids need to do many things on their own -- and feelings of accomplishment are as mentally healthy for them as they are practical. One morning I watched my 5-year-old laboriously try and try again as my hurry-meter clanged inside me. But you know what? I refrained from butting in as long as she was calm and focused -- and she did it! Her pride was far more valuable than my hectoring would have been.

You won't know if you've done a good job for, oh, 20 or 30 years
Every decision you make -- from discipline to extracurricular activities -- has repercussions, though usually not as momentous as you may think. You can have a pretty good inkling of how things are going, but you won't really know what sort of person you've helped to create until your child is fully grown.

Silver lining: That's the marvelous mystery of parenting. So much time, money, hope, and love poured into one tiny creature -- but I can't think of a better use for those resources.

parenting.com

HEART HEALTH

http://www.parenting.com/parenting/article/0,19840,648296,00.html

Heart-Healthy Habits To Get Into Now
By Kate Johnson

Chances are, you don't give your blood pressure a second's thought. But while most people don't develop hypertension — a significant risk factor for heart disease — until their 40s or 50s, a healthy lifestyle now is key to prevention. And if you're thinking about having another baby, keeping your blood pressure in check will help reduce your risk of developing hypertension-related complications during pregnancy, including preeclampsia.

The good news: Adopting simple lifestyle habits may actually lower high blood pressure — or prevent it in the first place, according to Lawrence Appel, M.D., professor of medicine at Johns Hopkins University, in Baltimore. Make changes one by one or in combination — whichever's easiest to stick to:

• Get 30 minutes of moderately intense exercise, such as swimming, brisk walking, or bicycling, five or six times per week.
• Eat a low-fat diet full of fruits and vegetables — nine servings a day — plus three daily servings of low-fat milk and dairy products. Cut down on salt, red meat, and sugar.
• Keep alcohol intake to no more than one drink per day.

Parenting, November 2003

BIKE SAFETY

http://www.parenting.com/parenting/article/0,19840,647196,00.html

Kids on Wheels
By Maureen Connolly

Each year, about 350,000 children are seriously injured while bike riding, 200 of whom die as a result. Many of these accidents could be avoided with simple safety measures. Here's what you can do to protect your child, and how to choose the safest equipment
What to look for when you buy...

A BABY CARRIER
Be sure that this seat, which attaches to the back of an adult's bicycle, has a shoulder harness, a lap belt, and a high back, as well as spoke guards to prevent hands and feet from getting caught in the bike's wheels. Also note how much weight the carrier can hold; toting a child who's too heavy can make a bicycle unsteady.

For 1- to 4-year-olds who can sit well unsupported and have a strong enough neck to wear a lightweight helmet.

A CHILD TRAILER
This three-wheeled cart fastens with a breakaway arm to the back of a bike. Trailers have two advantages over rear-mounted seats: They don't make a bike top-heavy, and they're less likely to throw a child if the bike tips over. Check the maximum weight it can hold — one-passenger trailers usually pull up to 50 or 70 pounds; two-passenger ones, up to 100 pounds. To make a trailer more visible, attach a neon-colored safety flag.

For kids age 1 and up who can sit well unsupported and have a strong enough neck to wear a lightweight helmet.

A TRICYCLE
One that's low to the ground and has big wheels is less likely to tip over. Most trikes have pedals that drive the front wheel, instead of a chain; they tend to pick up speed on inclines, so steer clear of hills.

FOR 3- TO 5-YEAR-OLDS who can reach the handlebars and pedals, and understand the rules about when and where to ride.

A BICYCLE
It should feel sturdy, turn smoothly, and have brakes that don't jam. Rubber or metal pedals are less slippery than plastic ones. Don't buy a bike your child will "grow into" as he gets older; he should be able to straddle it with both feet flat on the ground, and easily reach the handlebars. There also should be 1 to 2 inches of clearance between his crotch and the bike's top tube — the bar that runs from the seat to the handlebar stem. (If you're not taking him to the store, measure his inseam, and subtract 1 or 2 inches.) Your child is ready for his first bike, with training wheels to start, when he can use coaster brakes (where he pedals backward to stop), usually by age 6. He can graduate to hand brakes when his hands are strong enough to squeeze the levers (about age 10).

Use Your Head!
Bike helmets can prevent up to 85 percent of head injuries and 75 percent of bike-related deaths. But when a helmet doesn't fit properly or isn't worn correctly, it can leave a child vulnerable to injury. It should fit snugly and be worn flat atop the head, so that it rests 1 inch above the eyebrows. If the helmet tilts too far back, it won't protect the front of the head; if it falls too far forward, it can block your child's vision. The chin strap should fit securely, without pinching the skin. An easy way to check: If you can slide two fingers under the strap when it's buckled, it's too loose.

Rules for the Road

• Always supervise children under 10 when they ride a bike or a trike. Never let a child of any age ride at night unless accompanied by an adult.
• Instruct kids not to ride in the street and to avoid bike paths that cross busy roads.
• Don't let children ride on handlebars (it can make a bike unsteady) or go off jumps.
• Teach kids to ride looking straight ahead to where they'll soon be — not down at the front tire.
• Avoid letting children ride in baggy clothing; loose fabric can get caught in bike wheels and cause an accident.
• Always look to see if there are any kids riding around nearby before you get in your car and pull out of the garage or the driveway.

The Basics of Bike Care

Your child's bicycle should always be kept in good condition. Store it indoors (rain and moisture can rust and weaken parts), and do the following maintenance check every few months:

• Seat must be parallel to the ground and adjusted to your child's height.
• Reflectors should be kept clean and checked for cracks.
• Spokes that are broken or missing should be replaced.
• Pedals may need to be tightened with a screwdriver. Keep bearings and spindle well lubricated.
• Horn or bell should sound properly.
• Hand grips may need to be replaced if they're worn or loose.
• Handle-bars should be adjusted to your child's body height as she grows.
• Tires may need to be reinflated with a hand or a foot pump.
• Tire rims shouldn't warp or push against the frame.
• Chain guard can bend out of place. Make sure it covers the chain.
• Drive chain and sprocket may need to be lubricated to rotate with ease. Also, check that the chain fits snugly.
• Coaster brakes that don't stop easily can be lubricated with a light machine oil, such as WD-40.

SOURCES: Robert Tanz, M.D., chair of American Academy of Pediatrics' section on injury and poison prevention; Elizabeth Powell, M.D., pediatric emergency medicine physician, Children's Memorial Hospital, Chicago; Dave Duff, product safety manager, Huffy Bicycles; U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission; National Safe Kids Campaign; National Child Safety Council; Bicycle Helmet Safety Institute.
TIP: Buy a bike helmet that has the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s seal of approval on the packaging.
Parenting, April 2000

DEPENDENCE VS. INDEPENDENCE

http://www.bbc.co.uk/parenting/your_kids/toddlers_dependence.shtml

Dependence vs independence
Eileen Hayes

It's tricky encouraging your child to do as much as he's capable of, while making sure he doesn't get too discouraged by difficult things. But these tips may guide you in the right direction.

Let them find their own way
The journey towards becoming an independent adult starts in babyhood, with your child wanting to try things for himself.
You may find it hard to keep up when your child switches from being demanding one minute to being clingy and afraid to let go of you the next. Such rapid mood swings are common.
It helps to try to understand the emotional world of a small child and the confusion they often feel.

Developing independence
You can encourage your toddler to be more independent of you by doing the following:

• Accept some behaviours - defiance and disobedience, or refusing to comply with your requests, are essential parts of your toddler's growth into an individual.
• Follow your toddler's lead - if he wants to cling to you, let him; if he wants to do things his own way, go along with it as far as is reasonable.
• Keep your expectations reasonable - stubborn opposition and resentment of parental control are the norm.
• Use distraction - you may find it impossible to get your toddler to follow orders without upset. It's much smarter to use diversion tactics or allow him to make choices and offer him some control.
• Avoid orders and ultimatums - lead and teach rather than getting into power struggles.

A lot of the time, though, your toddler will just do the opposite of what you want. He may run off when you try to dress him, for example, or tip out toys you want packed away - he just can't help himself.
He may also seem to resent almost any form of control by you. He wants to get dressed by himself and feed himself - the contrary behaviour that results from this is quite normal, even if you find it irritating.

Handling clingy behaviour
It helps to realise that you're the most important person in your child's life. A fear of strangers and separation from you is completely natural.
You may find it quite annoying when your toddler acts in this way. It may be because you need your toddler to be able to manage without you - you may be returning to work or having time for yourself, for example. On the other hand, you may like it, as it makes you feel needed.

Separation anxiety
This is the developmental stage when your toddler gets upset when you leave him, even if it's only to pop to the loo. It often starts at around nine months and can go on well into the second year, or even longer.
Learning to handle separation is difficult for parents and children, but it does get gradually easier.
Meanwhile, try the following:

• Do all you can to build security - give lots of love and attention, cuddle up or play together.
• Keep separations short - when you need to leave your toddler, especially for the first few times, try to keep separations short and allow enough time for your child to get to know his carer first.
• Reassure your child - even quite short partings, such as going to nursery for the morning, may be difficult. Always take time to talk to your child in advance about what's happening and reassure him you'll be coming back.
• Never just sneak away - even though goodbyes can be upsetting, it's less worrying for your child than if you just disappear. Be positive and upbeat and try not to string out your goodbye. Taking ages to leave or acting worried only passes on your anxiety to your child.
• 'The velcroed toddler' - if your child clings to you even when you're simply going about your everyday business at home or at the shops, try to stay calm and carry on. It may not be easy to make lunch or talk to someone while your child's clamped on to you, but he'll feel more secure soon.

Most of all, be patient - your toddler will eventually feel ready to be more independent. Although it may be hard to believe, many parents miss this behaviour once it's over.

ARE YOU A HOMESCHOOL MOM?

I think this is a fun article and I should share this. =D

http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/humor/143.htm

You Know You're A Homeschool Mom When...

You get to change more than diapers, you get to change their minds.

When a child busts a lip, and after seeing she's okay, you round up some scotch tape to capture some blood and look at it under the microscope!

You find dead animals and actually consider saving them to dissect later.

Your children never ever leave the "why?" stage.

When your teenager decides to take one community college course, and comes home and asks you why the teacher wrote "At" on his paper. (A+)

You ask for, and get, a copier instead of a diamond tennis bracelet for your wedding anniversary.

Your kids think reading history is best accomplished while lying on the floor with their head resting on the side of their patient dog.

Your husband can walk in at the end of a long day and tell how the science experiment went just by looking at the house.

You never have to drive your child's forgotten lunch to school.

Your child will never suffer the embarrassment of group showers after PE.

The only debate about the school lunch program is whose turn it is to cook.

You never have to face the dilemma of whether to take your child's side or the teacher's side in a dispute at school.

If your child get's drugs at school, it's probably Tylenol.

Your neighbors think you are insane.

Your kids learn new vocabulary from their extensive collection of "Calvin & Hobbes" books.

Your formal dining room now has a computer, copy machine, and many book shelves and there are educational posters and maps all over the walls.

You have meal worms growing in a container....on purpose.

If you get caught talking to yourself, you can claim you're having a PTA meeting.

Talking out loud to yourself is a parent/teacher conference.

You take off for a teacher in-service day because the principal needs clean underwear.

You can't make it through a movie without pointing out the historical inaccuracies.

You step on math manipulatives on your pre-dawn stumble to the bathroom.

The teacher gets to kiss the principal in the faculty lounge and no one gossips.

Your honor student can actually read the bumper sticker that you have put on your car.

If your child claims that the dog ate his homework, you can ask the dog.

Some day your children will consider you to be a miracle-working expert and will turn to you for advice.

Your kids refer to the neighbor kids as "government school inmates."

You can't make it through the grocery produce department without asking your preschooler the name and color of every vegetable.

You can't put your produce in your cart without asking your older student to estimate it's weight and verify accuracy.

You live in a one-house schoolroom.

10 THINGS TO DO

http://www.familylife.com/articles/article_detail.asp?id=946

10 Things to Do When You're Not Watching TV
by Rob Flood

By God's incredible design, the gravitational pull of the sun keeps the planets from drifting randomly throughout space. It unites them into a "family" of heavenly bodies called our solar system. Without the sun keeping us together, all life on earth would be impossible. Orbits would not exist and chaos would reign.

Families have "suns" as well. Throughout time, they have held families together by their gravitational pull. Years ago, it was the farm or the family trade. But in many American homes today, the family "sun" is called the television. This sun is often the central point of a family's relationships. Nearly all time spent together is spent staring into this "sun". Our conversation often orbits around what we've seen…or missed.

Many people are upset about the quality of television programming today. But television's real problem is that it's a time thief. We allow it to reign over our marriages and our children. We allow it to infringe on nearly any and every area of our lives.

Consequently, we miss out on some of the best God has for us. TV is not the only culprit. There are others…many others. However, some of the others do not have a power button.

Some Christian organizations such as FamilyLife encourage families to take a fast from television. You may wonder, "If we fasted from TV, what would we do instead?" Below are some suggestions for alternatives to watching television. Even if turning it off completely is an unbearable thought to you, consider these ideas for replacing a portion of your television-watching time.

You will be surprised at how little you will miss the time of watching. You'll be blessed at what you'll discover. And you'll be just a little sad that you hadn't tried it before.

1. Sleep. My wife and I have three small children. As busy as they keep us, we are completely unable to watch television until they are asleep. However, there is a reality that is hard to face—we are tired, too. Even parents with older children get tired. Between running from baseball to ballet to band concerts, families are exhausted. And yet many parents make it worse by sacrificing sleep to watch their favorite shows.
Once the duties of the day are done, rather than turning on the TV, you could turn out the lights. Think of the energy you'd have if you invested your evening "watching" time in longer nights of sleep.

2. Talk. Whether it is a particular child with a certain issue or some personal, financial, or spiritual goal, there is always something to talk about. Even beyond the practical conversations, there are hopes in our hearts and events in our lives that we rarely share with those who are closest to us. One of the reasons for this is that we don't take the time to talk with each other. Additionally, our children are growing and changing before our eyes. The time we have left with them grows shorter and shorter each day. How sad that the TV steals the time from us. If we'll just turn it off once in a while, we will find the time to get to know our children, and keep getting to know them.

3. Play Games. The point here is not to invest in blood-thirsty competition, rise above the rest and declare your ownership of both Boardwalk and Park Place. The point is to create some great fun together as a family, or even as a couple. Play some games that require no vulnerability or stress. Other times, play some games that will help you get to know each other. These games can spur on conversation. Like the television, playing games is still entertainment. However, unlike television, playing games builds relationships.

4. Read Books. Some books are entertaining; some books are educational. Many that circulate in Christian circles help us know God and people better. In my home, there must be 20-30 books that I have bought with excitement and have never taken the time to read. Before I can open even one of the books, I must be willing to turn off the TV. And don't forget the lost art of reading as a family. Books like The Chronicles of Narnia, Little House on the Prairie, and even The Lord of the Rings make for much more enriching entertainment than any of those same stories in video form. The corporate imagination of your family will be engaged in fresh ways as you read together.

5. Home Projects. Do you have a corner of your home or garage where your "to-do projects" await completion? In my home, we have actually painted rooms two years after we've bought the paint for that room. It sat in a corner of our garage until I found the time. Whether you own your home or not, surely there are things you've expressed a desire to accomplish in your home that you have not yet done. By turning off the TV, you will have the found time you need to accomplish what you cannot now.

6. Pray. The Scriptures tell us to pray for our pastors and our governmental leaders—even those we don't like. We're told to pray for our families, for our nation and for the return of Christ. Many of us have children. As parents, we are called to pray for our children's current and future needs, not to mention pleading with the Lord for help in parenting them well. Then we are told to pray for the sick and for those who are investing their lives in the gospel. And don't forget the need to pray for the lost. Have you wondered, as I have, where to find the time for all of this prayer?
With the TV off, you will be able to invest time in prayer. Pray alone. Pray with your spouse. Pray with your children. As Christians, we like to tell people, "I'll pray for you." Yet, instead of keeping our word, we'll switch on the TV and allow that time to be stolen from us. Fight that tendency. Turn off the television—and pray.

7. Intimacy. The story of a man who gave his best years to the company is a familiar one, and an easy target. How familiar is the story of the couple that routinely gave their most alert and energetic hours each day to the television leaving only their most fatigued hours for each other? We don't hear it much, but it is all too common. Instead of living in this often unrecognized regret, agree with your spouse that your best hours belong to each other. You'll undoubtedly see the benefit in your time together and in your relationship. And, who knows, you may also find it far more entertaining than television could ever be.

8. Minister. Just a couple of weeks ago, I heard an active church-going couple declare that they were too busy to minister to people. I don't know all that consumes this family's time. I do know they never miss an episode of "Survivor," though.
There are needy people all around us. They are our neighbors, our friends, our fellow church members, even our pastors. We rob ourselves of giving and receiving ministry by allowing TV to occupy a prominent place in our lives. A well-intentioned 30-minute phone call will mean more to a person than an episode of any reality TV show you might watch.

9. Get to Know People. Becoming a student of people is important if we are ever to minister well. We would all agree that Jesus ministered perfectly to people. He knew our hearts and our make-up. He made us—naturally He knew us. Getting to know people not only takes more work for us; it also takes more time. With the amount of quality resources available in the local Christian bookstore and through the Internet, we are left with no reason for not ministering to people other than "we are just too busy." Take some time to discover how people work. You will see the benefit of that in your family relationships as well as your ministry relationships.

10. Get to Know God's Word. God has used mankind across nearly two millennia to capture His will and His heart in a collection of writings called the Bible. Life, both now and eternally, is found within its pages. Guidance for every problem and shortcoming we have is found there. Love beyond description is promised and granted there.
What would happen if, for 30 consecutive days, you spent just a portion of your television-watching time reading through some books of the Bible you have never heard of? What would happen if you did that for a year? Television cannot promise that type of life change. How much better is the investment of time in the Word than the investment in television? The answer is beyond what words could communicate.

Discovering some of the best God has for us is just a single push-of-a-button away. Have the courage to turn it off. Then discover the countless other ways you could better spend your time. The regret will be short lived. The blessings could very well be eternal.

Taken from the July 2005 issue of The Family Room, FamilyLife's online magazine. www.FamilyLife.com/familyroom. Copyright© 2005. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Teaching Empathy

http://www.parentsuccess.com/parentingtips.php

Teaching Empathy
Dr. Roger McIntire

People involved in hurtful acts perceive the hurt in entirely different ways depending on whether they are causing the hurt or the ones being hurt. So says Roy Baumeister, author and social psychologist. Perpetrators in Baumeister’s studies said their actions caused only brief problems for others and their actions were justified or unavoidable. The victims of these incidents, however, invariably described the actions of the perpetrators as inexplicable, senseless and immoral. Victims never felt the wrongdoers were justified.

If the reasons don’t fit our odd behavior, we change our reasons. For the odd behavior of somebody else, we’re likely to conclude they are mean, stupid or short a few marbles. If someone is ticked because you had to cut them off to make your turn, they should understand your time is valuable. If some wild driver cuts you off, he’s inconsiderate, ignorant or nuts.

Children, faced with many mistakes in their social life, are the biggest fabricators of new reasons. It’s easy to see kids brighter than yourself as nerds and kids doing worse as losers. The attitude separates and segregates students. We can put the logic of those intolerant students back on track by having them experience the other side. Having kids do some teaching will foster social skills and understanding of other students’ problems and encourage empathy for others. And it has an additional benefit: Both “teacher” and student learn.

In my first teaching job as a first year graduate assistant, I had to learn fast. I had been a “B” average undergraduate, but on my first morning in graduate school, I stood on the other side of the desk and faced a discussion section of Louisiana freshmen hoping to have a Yankee for breakfast. The night before, I studied every detail of chapter one. My sympathy for teachers was growing fast.

My wife Carol continued this “in-order-to-learn-teach” notion after we moved north. She invited high school students to spend an after-school session in her middle school library. She paid them $5 an hour to help middle schoolers with their homework.

Everybody benefited. The tutors learned, the middle school students learned, averages at both schools improved and a few went home with extra cash.

Tutors need supervision and training in how to keep students enthusiastic and on task. Carol selected tutors who were having troubles of their own but were willing to learn a lesson well enough to teach younger ones for $5 an hour. Her supervision was strict, and she had to make several personnel changes.

Learning is in the doing of the thing, and everyone is active when kids are teaching kids.
Some high school study halls use peer tutors who gain their community service credits tutoring in a subject they love. Other schools have used tutors from grade school classes to tutor other students in even lower grades. Our country may be short on teachers, but advanced students who are willing to tutor are plentiful. Using them benefits everyone.

Dr. McIntire is the author of Teenagers and Parents: 10 Steps to a Better Relationship and Raising Good Kids in Tough Times, available in our bookstore. His newspaper column appears in a growing number of newspapers nationwide.

15 MINUTES

http://www.loveathome.com/homeschool/15_minute_school.htm

15 Minute School
by Bernadine Sevy

I find there are two reasons for not doing school work, excluding of course the obvious, which we interpret to be bad attitude, laziness etc. I believe that children actually crave to learn, but their need to display their agency and fight anyone "making" them do something they don’t feel like doing can be overwhelming. The two reasons are being overwhelmed, not seeing light at the end of the tunnel, and boredom. So to fight these problems I put on my "marketing" hat and "packaged" school in a more attractive and palatable way.

First find a button. The button in our home is the computer. So what our children earn is computer time, minute by minute. Each child has a graph, each day they color their total minutes, next to the current date, on their own graph, they compete against themselves and this works well because who better to improve against.

They earn 1 minute of computer time for every correct spelling word. They are given 15 minutes to accomplish as much math as they can, they get more done than they used to all day, in some cases. One of my children could sit in front of a blank page, not even writing the date on it, from breakfast until dinner. It drove me crazy and he felt angry. 15 minute math fixed the problem. At the end of 15 minutes we check their math, figure out why they had problems with certain questions, and add to their computer time. Each correct math problem is an additional minute of computer time. Each 5 minutes of reading equals one minute of computer time. Once again I require 15 minutes but they read a lot more than that. It is, once again, for the reluctant child the "light at the end of the tunnel."

And so on, each subject will only last 15 minutes, and generally I hear a lot of: "Please let me finish this math problem", "Just 2 more pages Mom!" This is music to a mother's ears. This simple exercise in "marketing" has made the school day much more pleasant for the whole family. The reality is that we don’t get bogged down with anything, because we only have to do any one thing for 15 minutes. We actually get much more than the 15 minutes, but no one is making anybody do anything.