LEADER OR FOLLOWER?

Another refreshing and interesting article. I'm not even going to say if my Nikki and Ethan are leaders or followers because I personally think it's too early to tell. And frankly, I really don't like to label them...

http://www.todaysparent.com/preschool/behaviordevelopment/article.jsp?content=20070312_132034_5536&page=2

FOLLOW THE LEADER
by Randi Chapnik Myers


BORN OR BRED
It can be easy to slap a label on your baby. He came out screaming: leader. He’s so quiet, you wonder if he’s sick: follower, for sure. But is this early behaviour really indicative of what’s to come?

“When your child is young, we’re talking about temperament,” says Chaya Kulkarni, vice president of parent and professional education at Invest in Kids, a national non-profit agency that promotes the healthy development of kids up to age five. Temperament, which contributes to personality, is a child’s natural tendency to respond to the environment as well as the people and things in it. And as any parent with more than one child can attest, temperaments vary greatly. We’ve all seen those risk-taker babies, who explore without waiting for an invitation; then there are those who shrink back, ever cautious of their surroundings.

But temperament is not the sole predictor of how your child will turn out. In fact, Kulkarni warns about labelling kids a leader or follower based on early behaviour patterns. Since personality changes along the way, you don’t want to stifle its natural development. “It’s a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy,” she says. “If you keep telling your child that she is one way, that’s what she’ll believe.”

Through toddlerhood, though, labelling feels unavoidable. As part of socialization, some kids start telling the others what to do. Get two vocal girls in a room, for instance, and you’re almost guaranteed a fight over which game they’re going to play or who’s going to be first. Then in comes the girl who’s happy to follow, and she seems to get along with everyone.

Where does this leadership tendency come from? The experts agree there are a multitude of factors. Environment certainly contributes, as does nature: Maybe your child is growing up in a household with older sibs who boss him around, or is an older and more developed thinker (early-month birthdays give some almost a year on their school-aged peers). In the end, though, it’s how we respond to, or nurture, our kids’ personalities that influences their behaviour as much as, if not more than, the genes they’re born with.

THE GOODS ON BOTH
Chances are, if your son is class clown and your daughter is invited to every birthday bash, you’ll proudly call them leaders. While some leaders are magnetic and outgoing — the types who rally the troops to build a fort or run a race — not all leaders are extroverts, says early childhood development expert Carol Crill Russell, who heads up Invest in Kids’ research team. Even if your child is not the life of the party, his friends may listen when he speaks. These are the emotional leaders. Kids who, like Seth, have a certain quiet confidence that peers are naturally drawn to. Similarly, not all followers are introverts. Just think of those rowdy sports fans, says Crill Russell.

For most of us, leadership has positive connotations: motivation, strength, success. Whether we’re talking about kids or executives, we tend to value those who take charge and we devalue the follower who, by contrast, can appear weak and even lazy.

The fact is there are strong leaders, and strong followers, says Crill Russell. And while their styles may differ, both types may excel at figuring out how to resolve a sticky situation. A good follower who witnesses bullying, for instance, may not jump into the fray like a typical leader, but will help to resolve the problem tactfully — by taking people aside later, or quietly asking an adult for help. In contrast, a poor follower, lacking assertiveness skills, stays back.

TAKE TURNS
All kids follow sometimes. “You want your kids to be able to make conscious decisions to follow people they trust, for the right reasons — admiration, respect — and not for the wrong ones, like peer pressure,” Kulkarni says. To help your child understand the difference, encourage her to consider her feelings. If she’s nervous or feels secretive, for instance, then following along is probably the wrong move. “It is through conversations with our little ones that we help them develop the internal checks they’ll use later in life,” Kulkarni says. Regardless of whether your child tends to lead or follow, the point is to teach her to consider her actions, to be observant and reflective, to stop and think.

We may believe our kids should be leaders all the time, Kulkarni notes, but just like adults, no child can lead in all areas of life. Rather, depending on their particular strengths, they all have the potential to be both leaders and followers, depending on the situation. And that’s just fine. In fact, it is precisely this flexibility that helps kids fit into various social groups. Those team captains may well be more comfortable following along in music class, while the fashion trendsetters may be happy to sit back and watch, instead of star in, the school play.

KNOWING WHEN TO LEAD OR FOLLOW
The strongest leaders know how to follow when the circumstances call for it, says Crill Russell. Instead of forcing their way, these leaders listen to and empathize with the ideas and feelings of group members. So while you should support your child in those areas where she feels comfortable stepping up, you should also teach her to be able to step down at some point.
At the same time, kids gain a world of confidence by taking on the leadership role. If your child is scared to assert himself in groups, help boost his skills at home. Give him small age-appropriate tasks around the house, such as planning the dinner menu or coming up with fun activities on family night.

Teach your child that, by being a leader, she has a wonderful opportunity to be a great peer model for friends and eventually for co-workers. “As a parent, you’re in the ultimate leadership role,” Kulkarni says. “So use it wisely: Acknowledge, discuss and respect the positions of all members of your family whenever you’re making decisions, and your kids will learn to do the same.”