Confidence building
Eileen Hayes
Many childcare experts stress the importance of building self-esteem in children - and, indeed, having it ourselves as parents. Here are some tips to help you boost your own and your child's confidence.
Learning to love themselves
Having high self-esteem means:
- liking yourself and feeling good about the way you are
- realising you're a worthwhile, competent and likeable person
- having the confidence to try new challenges
- feeling you can achieve the things you set out to do
- not being afraid to keep on trying if you get things wrong or fail occasionally
- feeling confident and optimistic about the future
So, it makes sense to do all you can to build your toddler's confidence.
Ways to build self-esteem
Toddlers are still just realising they're separate people. As your toddler grows and develops, he'll begin to learn who he is and will have more understanding about himself.
Toddlers slowly build up a sense of self. Gradually, he learns what he looks like and works out the things he can do.
Some of the more difficult types of behaviour your toddler might display, which you may find hard to cope with, happen as a result of him beginning to realise he's a separate person with a mind of his own. He's also learnt he doesn't actually have to stay where you've put him or do exactly as he's told.
To begin with, a toddler's view of himself is still very much a reflection of what other people seem to think of him. So it's important for his developing self-esteem that he's exposed to mainly positive views.
This means:
- Telling your toddler, as often as possible, that you love him and that he's marvellous, wonderful and fun to be with
- Letting your toddler know you love him by showing affection with lots of hugs, kisses and kind words
Nothing's more damaging to your toddler's developing self-esteem than a message from you that he's not loved, liked or wanted.
It's important not to use sarcastic, unkind words or a harsh tone of voice when speaking to him. He'll believe what you tell him and if your message is that he's irritating, it'll have a negative impact on his self-esteem.
Remember:
- Show love - tell your child, as often as possible, that you love him
- Chat - talking together gives the message that you enjoy your child's company
- Listen - show your child you find him interesting and worth listening to
- Play - join in your toddler's games, or if you have household chores to do, ask him to help, to show your child you enjoy spending time with him
- Praise - not just for succeeding but for efforts and attempts too
- Encourage - managing buttons or putting on his own clothes gives a great boost to self-esteem; be ready to step in if he gets into difficulties and gets too frustrated but don't solve every problem
- Provide choices - help your toddler feel he can exert some control over the world by, for example, asking your child to choose his own clothes or which book he'd like to read with you
- Stay one step ahead - try to avert disasters that can lead to loss of confidence, tempers and tears and be aware that the over-confidence shown by some toddlers can falter quite quickly if they constantly fail at all the things they try
- Emphasise good points - concentrate on the positives and try to ignore any annoying behaviour as much as possible
- Provide plenty of activities - trying out lots of things makes it more likely you'll find something your child is good at, even if there are lots of other things he can't manage so well yet
- Encourage friendships - being able to make friends and get on with others plays a big role in building self-esteem, so take an interest and, if possible, invite your child's friends round to play
- Celebrate family life - morning chats in bed or particular ways of saying goodnight not only celebrate family life, but also help your child understand that he has a special place within it
