PERSEVERING

Another heart-warming letter from a homeschooling mom...

I'm Crazy to Do This, But I'd Be Crazier Not To!
By Hilary Lynch

I woke up with high hopes. It was a spring day and I longed to have a satisfying day of school, especially with my second daughter, Amiel, then aged six. Although we hadn't been officially schooling for very long, things had not gone well, and I was hoping that spending some longer quality time together would make the difference in helping her learn to read.

We had been spending time for several weeks going over letters and sounds. Even though in many ways she seemed ready for reading, and said she wanted to learn, unfortunately, each time I'd work with her we would both end up frustrated and in tears. She would cry out, "I don't understaaaand!" and I, in turn, would – again! -- try to control my frustration at her seeming inability (or was it just refusal?) to understand what I thought was a simple instruction. So, I was hoping today would be different. It was, but not like I thought it would be.

By 11 am, the all-too familiar routine was well under way. My explanation; her explosion. My repeating the basics; her becoming withdrawn and pushing my arm away. All I wanted was for her to focus on what was in front of her and say the blend, "fr, frog" and we could finish. All she seemed interested in doing was some craft project, a project I had hoped to use as a reward for some -- even a little – progress this morning. "After we do this one lesson," I said as I tried one more time to help her gain some mastery over this phonics lesson. But she never did finish the lesson and say "fr, frog." We both just kept getting more and more frustrated, and we both ended up feeling like failures. Me as a teacher, and her at reading. I gave up. Sure, go do the craft. Do whatever you want to do! I give up! Who cares about developing the character trait of discipline anyway! It was hopeless! Is this what home schooling was all about? Misery?

What was I doing homeschooling? I am crazy to do this! Do you realize I am doing this by my own free will? What sane person willingly puts themselves in a position where they have to face such an ordeal day in and day out? I am crazy to homeschool! As Amiel spent a few minutes with some glue and paint doing her craft project (not the one I had planned, but she was happy), I peeled some carrots for lunch, trying to compose myself. After a few minutes, she cleaned up and went off to play, happy as a clam. I was feeling a little more ready to face teaching again, so I went to check on how my older girl was doing with her schoolwork. Then a little miracle happened. It wasn't a big miracle, but it was one nonetheless. I came into the living room to see Amiel with all her stuffed animals lined up in a row, along with an old set of plastic refrigerator letters and phonics flashcards. "Now this one says, 'f' and this one says, 'r,'" she said as she pointed to the pictures. Each of her smallest of students was participating in the lesson that I had so futilely tried to teach just a few minutes ago. Here she was, teaching phonics to her animals when half an hour ago she was in tears!

I thought for a moment. No one had asked her to do this. She was teaching because she loves to teach, and she was learning as she did so. Where else but in homeschool could this happen? Where else could my dear, sweet Amiel have the freedom to learn things in her own unique way? Where else but in homeschool could she re-energize in her own way, and take the initiative to internalize the lesson in a way that she enjoyed and was meaningful to her? Homeschool was the very best way for her to learn!

In hindsight, there is much I would do differently. I have learned so much about my daughter, about myself, and about what being a good teacher means. One of the main things I have learned is that we have a great opportunity as home schoolers. Where else could we learn so much about ourselves and our children? About what makes us – both her and me -- excited, or feel like a failure? Where else could we learn so much about the grace of God that can transform even frustration into appreciation of each other's uniqueness? Where else but in home school? True, I am crazy to home school. It IS hard work. But I can honestly say that for us the blessings of home schooling far outweigh the crazies – hands down!

~Hilary Lynch~