HOMESCHOOLING, FAMILY AND HOPE

from HomeschoolFreeStuff.com:

Homeschooling, Family and Hope

My family has what I believe is a very unique reason for home schooling. It does not have as much to do with religion, sheltering, or a dissatisfaction with the public school system as much as it has to do with teaching the concept of "family". Here is our story:

My family is not "blended", it is more of what I'd call "scrambled"! My oldest two children, 14 and 12, attend a charter prep school which is a combined jr. high and high school. I was very interested in home schooling both of them way back before they even started kindergarden, but their father was not in support of it. So, off to public school they went, and despite a few problems along the way, they have turned out fine. In the meantime, I divorced and remarried. My new husband and I were excited to start a family of our own, but after four years of trying were told we would be unable to conceive. We were both upset, but after a while we decided to become foster parents. During the past seven years, we have foster 12 children from newborn through high school age. The children came from different parts of our town, so we had the opportunity to have experience with most all of the schools in our area. Some were downright awful and others were surprisingly good. But all of them had one particular thing in common: far too many children for the attention of just one teacher. In fact, some of the classrooms were 30:1! However, at the time, foster parents were not allowed to home school children in the state of Arizona, where we live. So, I tried to help with homework or intervene with a teacher where I could. I wished I could home school, but the law just wouldn't permit it.

That all changed with a new "set" of foster children. The State placed two children in our home. They were half-sisters, ages 6 months and 8 years. The six months old was beautiful and cuddly, and appropriate for her age, albeit a bit small. Her sister, Hope, was equally bright and attractive, but had picked up some very nasty habits along the way. Both girls had come from a drug addicted mother, and were drug addicted themselves at birth. Their entire family was like a giant soap-opera, complete with prision sentences and gang affiliations. I believe every family member had been in charge of the girls at one point in time or another while their Mother was in prision, but all lacked the ability to provide a safe, caring home.

Hope was so smart, but did just terrible in school. She was at only a 1st grade level in most areas when she began school with us in third grade. We put her in our local district, like we did the other foster kids. At first she seemed to do very well, and made friends. But she began declining quickly. Her teacher complaned she did not pay attention, she did apply herself and her friendships were deteriorating.

The State had also given my husband and me the opportunity to adopt the girls. The decision to adopt the baby was easy as she was so adorable and bonded to us. But Hope was a different story. She was stubborn, defiant, and difficult at times. Some days she fit in well with us, and others, it was like a foreigner was in our home. She could be very loving and kind, and other days aloof. I just wasn't sure about forever with this one, but yet, when I looked into her eyes, I'd see a little girl desperate for love and a chance for a better future. So, I started praying. And then, listening. And finally, things became much more clear.

I read up on Hope's life experience from the piles of files her social worker had on her. It was no wonder she didn't function well in a family; she had never really had one to learn to function in! To her, parents were people to abuse and abandon you. She felt she had to fend for herself emotionally and physically. She had learned that friends were not people to be revered and cared about, but people to obtain "things" from. She had really only learned to abuse friendships and family members in an effort to survive. School was just a safe haven for her – a place where she could play and be a kid for a few hours until she had to go home and face the dangers of her family. School was not about learning, but about safety. How strange is that to us as home school parents – public school as a safe haven! Then I realized that our house was not much better in some ways. No, we did not abuse her, but we expected her to "fit in" and be loving, yet for 8 hours a day she was away from us. I began to realize that she would be unable to really see what a "Mom" and "Dad" did and how loving relationships and bonds are formed unless she was truly around to see it in action. I placed a call to her social worker to see if home schooling could be attempted. Much to my surprise, the state had reversed its policy and now allowed for home school in certain situations.

That was two years ago. We decided to home school her for fourth and fifth grade. I am happy to report that not only had she caught up to where a "normal" 6th grade student is, she is excelling. The one-on-one attention and accountability she has learned have helped her self esteem greatly. Everyday, we start out with a "life-skills" lesson to teach her some of the things she never learned, such as how to make a friend, how to be honest, how to be diligent, etc. This has made such a difference in her personality – she is no longer sneaky and manipulative, but truly a joy to be around. The beautiful young lady I knew exsisted under that tough exterior is becoming stronger and more confident every day.

We did end up adopting the girls along with another little boy, now age 3, in a beautiful court ceremony on December 20th, 2005. It was attended by all of our family members and many friends who have been very loving and supportive. And one week later….you guessed it! I found out that I was expecting a baby. Little Ethan was born on August 18th, 2006. Yes, the Lord did answer our prayers for a family in a strange way, but we wouldn't change a thing. And I plan on home schooling the three little ones from the start. As for Hope, she is stronger and more confident each day. She wants to attend Jr. High with her two older siblings next year, and we are considering letting her do so. No matter what we choose, she will be able to face each day with the knowledge that she has a family that loves her and cares for her. Now there is something that you just can't learn in school!