LABELS

I have always been careful with labels when it comes to my boys. I think this article is very insightful...

http://www.raisingkids.co.uk/4_9/pri_htp20.asp

Labels - Don't Give Your Child A Bad Name

'Keep on telling me what I am, and that's what I'll become' ...so be careful how you describe your children.

Listen to what family members say about each other. Consider the nicknames, the stories told about each other and the jokes. These are the signs that family members are cast into roles and given labels to match.

'Oh, he's the clever one in the family but he's got no common sense', 'She's a bit of a tearaway' 'My youngest is such a scaredy cat, she's nervous about absolutely everything!'

Labelling is disabling
Although it may be true that your child is more fearful than other children, labelling him as 'fearful' may make things worse. Labels - good or bad, become a part of the child's self image. Although a label may start with a germ of truth in it, it quickly acquires its own force. A 'clumsy' child becomes apprehensive about picking up something delicate and in a state of nervousness, drops it. More proof that he is clumsy!

Good labels, bad labels and labels in pairs
Parents often label their children by comparing and contrasting them. First children are often 'nervous and shy' and their younger siblings 'outgoing and sociable'. Some labels link the child to another member of the family. 'You're just like your father.' Sometimes the labels are given affectionately but convey equally powerful messages. 'You're such a butterfingers!' 'My son, the urban terrorist!'

Even good can be bad
Positive as well as negative labels have their downside. A child constantly labelled as the 'responsible one' in the family, feels he always has to be on his best behaviour. His 'real self' is both responsible and reckless. Sometimes he feels the desire to break out and be irresponsible but the label inhibits him. He may also fear that his parents only like the responsible boy and if they see the 'real boy' they won't like it or him.

Mixed messages
A label may fulfil a need of the parents. Sometimes an apparently negative label conveys a mixed message. The parents of an 'urban terrorist' may be secretly proud of his energy and recklessness. A 'fearful' child calls out strong nurturing instincts. He looks to his parents for help. Ask yourself if you like having your son turn to you for reassurance. If so, try to wean him away from his reliance on you and help him stand on his own two feet.