Teaching Empathy

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Teaching Empathy
Dr. Roger McIntire

People involved in hurtful acts perceive the hurt in entirely different ways depending on whether they are causing the hurt or the ones being hurt. So says Roy Baumeister, author and social psychologist. Perpetrators in Baumeister’s studies said their actions caused only brief problems for others and their actions were justified or unavoidable. The victims of these incidents, however, invariably described the actions of the perpetrators as inexplicable, senseless and immoral. Victims never felt the wrongdoers were justified.

If the reasons don’t fit our odd behavior, we change our reasons. For the odd behavior of somebody else, we’re likely to conclude they are mean, stupid or short a few marbles. If someone is ticked because you had to cut them off to make your turn, they should understand your time is valuable. If some wild driver cuts you off, he’s inconsiderate, ignorant or nuts.

Children, faced with many mistakes in their social life, are the biggest fabricators of new reasons. It’s easy to see kids brighter than yourself as nerds and kids doing worse as losers. The attitude separates and segregates students. We can put the logic of those intolerant students back on track by having them experience the other side. Having kids do some teaching will foster social skills and understanding of other students’ problems and encourage empathy for others. And it has an additional benefit: Both “teacher” and student learn.

In my first teaching job as a first year graduate assistant, I had to learn fast. I had been a “B” average undergraduate, but on my first morning in graduate school, I stood on the other side of the desk and faced a discussion section of Louisiana freshmen hoping to have a Yankee for breakfast. The night before, I studied every detail of chapter one. My sympathy for teachers was growing fast.

My wife Carol continued this “in-order-to-learn-teach” notion after we moved north. She invited high school students to spend an after-school session in her middle school library. She paid them $5 an hour to help middle schoolers with their homework.

Everybody benefited. The tutors learned, the middle school students learned, averages at both schools improved and a few went home with extra cash.

Tutors need supervision and training in how to keep students enthusiastic and on task. Carol selected tutors who were having troubles of their own but were willing to learn a lesson well enough to teach younger ones for $5 an hour. Her supervision was strict, and she had to make several personnel changes.

Learning is in the doing of the thing, and everyone is active when kids are teaching kids.
Some high school study halls use peer tutors who gain their community service credits tutoring in a subject they love. Other schools have used tutors from grade school classes to tutor other students in even lower grades. Our country may be short on teachers, but advanced students who are willing to tutor are plentiful. Using them benefits everyone.

Dr. McIntire is the author of Teenagers and Parents: 10 Steps to a Better Relationship and Raising Good Kids in Tough Times, available in our bookstore. His newspaper column appears in a growing number of newspapers nationwide.